Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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