How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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