I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just had sex bonerless
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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