i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
