It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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