Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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