So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
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You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
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There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize