Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
