I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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