just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
3 2 1 whiskey
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
