My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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