the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
