its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
