is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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