Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
