dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
