I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
