I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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