The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
