fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
