We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
