Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
