Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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