I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
