Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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