I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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