I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
