all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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