that's an acceptable place to lick
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
