youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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