btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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