so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
