Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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