i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
