So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize