checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
