She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
