i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
