Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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