I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
