I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
