I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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