so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
