He asked me if I "almost moaned"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
