How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
