Ketchup is God's man juice
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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