We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
