drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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