If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
