i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
