just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
