i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
