My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
