Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
