nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
did you just send me my own nude
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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