At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
