the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
