FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
