I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize