the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
