I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
