im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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