Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
