My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
