I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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