she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
