After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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