those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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