My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
