Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
