I want to have your abortion
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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