if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
