Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
